Updated: Nov 26, 2020
Fear is the number one thing that holds us back from going after what we want. As a result, you miss out on being your true self and showing the world the real you, your light, your gifts. By letting fear control you, you are missing out on a world of opportunities, because you’re simply blocking them from coming your way. This includes the thing you want but you’re too fearful to go after. That sucks, right?
But what are we so scared of?
Fear of failure Fear of the unknown Fear of pain and suffering Fear of rejection Fear of poverty Fear of ridicule and criticism Fear of loss Fear of change Fear of success And…fear of fear itself!!
Here are my top 3 Fear Fixers to help you on your way.
Fear Fixer 1: Reduce the Overwhelm
Fear can get pretty messy in our heads, and create a very noisy constant stream of thoughts, and ‘what ifs’ and negative self-chatter. During this time, it’s not possible to think straight and gain clarity on your next step. You focus on the bigger picture and feel completely overwhelmed at the options and choices and paths to get there. Which one should I take? What is right? What is everybody else doing?
It’s time for a brain dump! (That's right, I said dump!)
Grab a piece of paper (several pieces even, you know, just in case, maybe a box of tissues, maybe a puppy too, you know, for therapeutic reasons).
Write down anything and everything that is in your head. Even when you think you've finished, keep going, no matter how silly or minor you think it is, GET...IT...OUT.
Now you’ve rid yourself of a whirlwind of negative thoughts. Look at each statement you’ve made and ask yourself – what do I want to happen instead? And, what is the first step to take to make this happen? Do this for every single thought you’ve written down.
Finally, out of all these things, what is the ONE thing you can do that will have the biggest impact. Then DO IT.
Fear Fixer 2: Don't resist it, surrender
“What you resist, will persist”. No truer word has been spoken.
Remember all those times you’ve buried your head in the sand about something, hoping it will go away, only for it to come back with a vengeance, catching you completely by surprise, completely off guard and probably during a happy and peaceful phase of your life? Suppressing feelings or ignoring feelings doesn’t work. I promise.
Instead, I want you to acknowledge the fear. After all, fear is just a feeling. I like to think of it as just energy running through my body.
The exercise: I want you to imagine yourself sat in a comfortable armchair, observing the feelings that come up through your body. Where are those feelings? How would you describe it? Hot? Heavy? Electric? How quickly does it move? Does it have a shape?
Notice what you notice, but don’t become the feeling, DO NOT GET INVOLVED, I REPEAT…DO NOT FEED THE BEAST!
With objective awareness, simply watch the feeling rise and wait for it to dissipate. Play around with it, imagine it rising to the top of your head and leaving as tiny sparkly unicorns into the sky. Whatever works for you!
The more you practise this, the quicker the process will be. Don’t be hard on yourself if the first time you fall into the feeling. Just get back in your armchair and try again.
Fear Fixer 3: Be realistic
One sure fire way to stay in your pit of fear and despair is to put completely unrealistic expectations on yourself to leap out of the hole into the warm, bright sunshine and green meadow of happiness. You know those times when you share your pain with someone and they say “aww, that sucks, but don’t worry everything will be ok”. And you’re thinking “everything is NOT going to be ok?!”. In that moment, everything is not ok.
To expect yourself to snap out of it creates unrealistic pressure and only sends you spiralling further. Instead, when you’re feeling fearful, when you’re hiding from uncertainty, just reach for the next best-feeling thought. By doing so, you will feel just even the slightest bit of relief and be in a better position to move towards a more positive way of thinking.
Let me give you an example...you’re feeling paralysed with fear about the potential outcome of a situation, you feel powerless. Your next best feeling thought to reach for could be insecurity. Now you feel insecure about the situation instead of despair, but it feels marginally better. Notice how you feel…does your feeling of powerlessness soften? Once you’ve aligned with your new feeling of insecurity, you don’t want to stay there, you want to keep moving back towards positivity, so I encourage you then to reach for the next best-feeling thought, which could be anger. After this, you might want to reach for a feeling of slight worry, then frustration, then maybe just good old-fashioned pessimism, then maybe boredom? From boredom, the only way is up.
The point is, you have a choice, and you have control over this process. It doesn’t matter if this process takes 30 minutes or two days, just keep going.
With any tools and techniques that I recommend, you become better at utilising them with practise. There is a tendency to in the moment forget everything you’ve been taught, lose any sense of logic or reality, and get swept away in Hurricane Horror. It happens to us all.
The solution? Hire a Coach.
My area of expertise as a Growth Coach is all about tackling issues like fear, limiting beliefs, and obstacles head on in order to get the things you want. We work through these things together arming you with the tools you need in life to challenge your thoughts and break through obstacles.
Book a Pre-Coaching Consultation with me today to start transforming your life.
The fears we don't face, become our limits. Robin Sharma
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